Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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