everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
