Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
