It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
