Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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