Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
