Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
