jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
