90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
