he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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