Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
