I just gift wrapped bread.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
