i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize