i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I party with great urgency now.
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