it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
