i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
