I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
