I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
