I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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