I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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