Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize