dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
