what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
