someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
