Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
