She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
