Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
