ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
