I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
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