you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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