We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
