You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
