My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
