i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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