its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if only i could text you this smell
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
