I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
