hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize