Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
