So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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