I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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