Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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