apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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