Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
