I hate all girls vehemently.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
