I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
