this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
