Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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