Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize