I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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