I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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