??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
