After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
