you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
