He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize