I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
