I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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