Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize