Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
