the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
