Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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