I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
