So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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