and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
