I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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