Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
