Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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