I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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