I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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