Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
