he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
