They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
