My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
