You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need to sanitize my soul.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize