if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I touched a dick in church today
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
