just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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