You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
