weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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