my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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