i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize