Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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