if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have tasted many bathrooms
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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