Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
