I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
