u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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