The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
