I wish my penis had an off switch
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
