I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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