I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
