I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
