i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
