I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
