You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize