the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
