My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
