Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You ate ashes out of my bong
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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