How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
