So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just tell him i said nine months
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
