I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
