why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We are two peas in an std pod
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
