If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
