I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
